One of the things autistic people can be rubbish at at boundaries. They’re so flimsy and seemingly subjective, but essential to good, strong relationships with other people. One of the problems I’ve seen with older undiagnosed autistic people is they have a lot of trauma and anxiety to unpack and this means that they can be really sensitive to what they perceive as criticism when someone is just trying to set a boundary around what they are comfortable with. You end up in a cycle of rejecting people trying to tell.you something you need to hear and then blaming yourself when they leave.
I’d really like to make some suggestions for therapeutic interventions because I think that is a recurring issue for older autistic people but well beyond layman’s advice, I don’t know if we have any therapists in town who can make any suggestions?